Wednesday, August 19, 2015

It takes a village...

yeah yeah yeah, I should do a "catch up" post since we've been busy and all adding a human to our family and I have given you the silent treatment for a while, but I'll get there. For now, I have to write whats fresh in my head because these days, I can remember NOTHING. So...

1, 2, skip a few, we had a baby.

She's presh. I love her to pieces, I will gush on her another day. But I had to tell you that to tell you this story. Otherwise, you'd be all "what baby" and my life lesson would be lost in the shuffle. But I digress, here she is and today.. she had an adventure.

Say hello to Titus...

He is our wild one, the character builder, the mamas boy. There is not a mess he can not make, an item he can not break, nor a ledge too high for him to jump from. He is covered in scrapes and bruises and normally food. :) 

Today we dropped my oldest off at school and headed home, just us three. I set Titus up on the couch with some cartoons, an orange juice, and his toy puppy while Adella was chillin' out newborn style across the living room in her Mamaroo. (Not strapped in, because she's my third child and I live dangerously). As I noticed the window of opportunity (read: two seconds to pee in peace!) I jolted to the half bath about 20 feet away. I swear I took about 2 minutes total, when I thought I heard the baby fuss so I quickly opened the door and rushed into the living room. A very calm 4 year old was sitting on the couch playing with his adorable 6 week old little sisters feet who was RIGHT NEXT TO HIM ON THE COUCH! 

I took a brief mental second to think if I'm losing my mind and where I left the baby.. but after a sidebar with myself, I quickly realized my four year old had picked up my tiny newborn and carried her across the room, around the coffee table, and placed her onto the couch. My weapon of mass destruction boy who needs a sippy cup because he can not even carry a cup of juice from the counter to the table without spilling it... CARRIED MY INFANT ACROSS THE ROOM. 

Spoiler alert: she's fine. I had a meltdown and was a bad yelling and crying mommy. I checked her limbs and her neck and her eyes. Whew. She survived. After he finished crying from my very precise and studied parenting theory called "put the fear of death in them"... we talked about the rules and what could happen and what he is allowed to do and what he may not do. Then I let him hold her sitting on the coach to earn back mommy points. 

At first I thought, no one will hear a word about this! Number one, DCF would come knocking on my door. If the goose egg of a bruise on my son's face a few weeks ago and the "dead" tooth that he hit so hard it killed the root and turned his tooth gray permanently, didn't have them hopping over to my house for tea, then my 4 year old babysitting the newborn would definitely get their attention. Not to mention, the ladies who always tell me "you're super mommy" will burn my cape in protest at the news of this horrid incident. 

BUT THEN... I shared. I shared what happened because well, I'm an over-sharer. I share everything but my dessert and my glass of milk (gross!). I reluctantly posted my experience online so that other mamas might think twice before trusting their curious older children in the room. I went out on the limb as a mommy martyr. Thinking I would be burnt on the stake for the sake of a warning to mamas. Bring on the judgement and the well meaning alas annoying "advice".

To my surprise, I was not humiliated in mommy court. I was not found guilty or burnt to death with mommy guilt and comparison. The mamas all replied with the two greatest words any mama could ever hear. 

There were stories of when it happened to them with their kids or their mamas! I even had some mama's "up me" in the crazy incident department! I know sometimes we can't always relate to other moms in what they're going through during this crazy thing called motherhood, but the point is we can be there for each other. The saying "it takes a village" doesn't always mean physically. Sometimes it's what other moms DON'T do that is actually more helpful. Like, when they don't judge or dissect a situation but they let you in on a little secret. WE ARE ALL IN THE TRENCHES TOGETHER. We all will not do this perfectly. We will screw up and it is okay. We can support each other by being real and honest and transparent. 

I have no clue how moms in the past without such easy ways of communication survived. Because behind the pretty closed curtains are moms sitting in living rooms thinking, I am the only one, and no one is going to find out about this. My kids will need so much therapy. But the truth? Well, they will need therapy, save for that now. BUT you are not the only one. There is a mama who has been through it, is going through it now, or better put on her big girl panties because it's coming for her. 

It is my hearts desire that all mamas feel the peace I felt when those moms joined with me today in my parenting, without even knowing it, and said "It's okay mama. I've been there." Thank you ladies. Thank you for healing my mama heart of guilt and fear. Thank you for being the feet of God today. For rallying together in our tribe of raising these little humans. You rock. 

Let's do this more. Let's help each other more. Let's give each other grace and support. Let's judge less. Let's be vulnerable and open and transparent because you never know who needs to feel like they aren't the only one. 

Here's Titus giving her some toys and even his precious Hulk as a peace offering.

Alls well that ends well. Adella forgave him and even threw on a little t-shirt love in support of her love for her main man...

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