Thursday, February 19, 2015

We dance.

Words are a gift of mine. Both to me and from me. God uses them to etch away at all the troubles of my heart. He also uses them to help me reach others. They are my jam. They keep me sane. 

I grew up in dance since I was 18 months old until college. I dreamed of being a prima ballerina and watching The Nutcracker and The Rockettes and basically breathing everything dance. I spent hours in a studio and competitions dancing every week. That's why music is my second gift. A good song speaks to my soul in the most honest way. I think it's the combination of the lyrics and movement. You know how a line in a song seems like an arrow right to your gut and you're getting all preachy, like... "Yes!" Everyone must hear this. That's a Facebook status!" I used music and dance as therapy for most of my youth. Most times when I couldn't find the words (I hadn't quite mustered the courage to be so wordy) I danced it out. "Left it all on the dance floor" as we would say. Dancing to a song with amazing lyrics= my euphoria. 

Now that I'm old (okay I'm not old. Just 26.) But having two kiddos and a third on the way makes your body FEEL old. I don't know about you but I feel like 25 is the magic year. Up until 25 my body did what I wanted and I ate like the Poster Child for Twinkie. Then I turned 26 and God's all, "Now you gotta work for it?!" And then all the wonderful genetics started kicking in.. like saddle bags, and cellulite, and varicose veins, and stretch marks. Don't you just wanna see me naked now? Thank you Baby Jesus for Spanx! Anyways, what was I saying? Oh yes, now that I've got more gray hair than I can keep up with plucking (thanks Grams. I hear you passed this down) my body doesn't allow me to do much more than car dancing and lyric loving behind the wheel. So I get down with my bad self at red lights.

Wow, that was a long winded intro. But here's the point. Today I was on the way to preschool and I needed a good ole' jam sesh to drown out the sound of my child to reach closer to Jesus. ;) THIS song is on a completely legal burnt CD from my wise and faithful leader friend, Lisa. She's like the Master Splinter of finding good music. I'm just a teenage mutant ninja turtle basking in her wisdom.

Soooo... I've heard it before but THIS time. We had a moment. God and I. Like He said, "this song IS YOURS. It is so true to you and my relationship. To all we've been through and where you are. LISTEN, and rest in it." Let me tell you I sobbed, and I sang, and I pretended that my big ole' pregnant belly self performed a dance with moves I can only still do in my head." Join me. Read these lyrics while you listen to the song....

It's painfully obvious... HELLO! We Dance! I dance. God's meeting me where my gift is! In dance! And another funny reason "we dance" is such an intimate thing for me is because in my super rad Mama's group we tend to do "visualizing" a lot. We get a song going and we close our eyes and see what God shows us. Some people see a hot Jesus like in the Old Spice commercials (don't judge. it's not nice), some people see Jesus lit up and glowing, some people can't see Him and that's okay too...but ME I always see my living room from the vantage point of standing at the top of the stairs. I see Jesus cradle me in and slow dance with me, my head on his shoulder and His arm on my back and  on my head.... like a dad does to his little girl at a "daddy-daughter dance". Most often times I physically feel my weight sink into Him. Like I'm not even forced into holding myself up. It is intimate. It is magical. It is amazing... So this part gives me that visual...

You steady me
Slow and sweet, we sway
Take the lead and I will follow
Finally ready now
To close my eyes and just believe
That You won't lead me
Where You don't go

All my life, I've fought for love. To get the love I wanted, needed, ached for in ways that were desperate and unsatisfying. How often I feel we all do that. Spend our whole lives fighting to be loved. To meet the qualifications we're told that makes us lovable. To meet the standards of others to make ourselves feel worthy of their love. But the battles already been won. God is Love. He's victorious. He loves us. Here it is..

And I've been told
To pick up my sword
And fight for love
Little did I know
That Love had won for me 

I've had a lot of life packed in my short years. Lots of joy and lots of mourning. My middle name is "Joy" and so is my daughter's. I think God is so clever that way. One of my main objectives and messages to mama's and friends and loved ones out there is to have JOY in the mundane. He's gifted me a rescue, a sunrise in the morning, a hope, a joy after every struggle. It's represented in the life I lead now. Being 18 and pregnant seemed scary and lonely and well, a struggle. But I see my joy.. my Sienna Joy now and she is the biggest light in my journey of life. In her eyes I saw Jesus. She drew me close to Him. God locked eyes with me. He gave me joy...He helped me dance...

Just you and me
And I will lock eyes 
With the One who's ransomed me
The One who gave me joy for mourning
And I will lock eyes
With the One who's chosen me
The One who set my feet to dancing

I know this last part doesn't just speak to me. So often, especially as women, and even more so if you are an emotional and deep person like I am.. life can feel lonely. When you feel things so deeply and evaluate situations so intently, it feels like a burden just to live in such a troubled world. but THIS...this line shows us where our peace can be...

It's nice to know I'm not alone
I've found my home here in Your arms

What's your song that "God wrote for you"? If you don't have one. Find one! I promise when you feel like the creator of the universe has done such a romantic gesture to meet you in the middle of your living room for a slow dance to an intimate song.. it's magical. It's life changing. It's life giving. I pray each one of you can feel the way I feel when I hear this song. When I feel the relationship I have with God himself deep in my soul. 

And just in case you need some cuteness to debrief from the word vomit I just gave you... Here's my sweet girl at her dance recital when she was younger. (She looks JUST like me here). I pray she dances with Jesus always.


Melissa Theodore said...

yessssssssssssssssssssssssssss =) so happy to read this today

the color blue said...

This is so good! I think you should start dancing again. Could be good for the soul! <3